12 Step Program for Mental Illness (Anxiety, Depression, OCD etc)

I’ve always wished that there were a 12-step program equivalent to Alcoholics Anonymous for mental illness. It wasn’t until the other day that I thought, “Oh, I should search Google for one!” I did find a few of these programs, but they didn’t completely resonate with me or highlight what I knew brought me success. I realized I needed to write one myself formulated from my own experiences and research. (Here is one I found online if you want to check it out: Emotions Anonymous)

I’d love to share the one I wrote with you guys! If you like it, feel free to join me in my version of Mental Illness Anonymous OR write your own 12 step program. Mine is more geared towards anxiety, depression and OCD since those are what I’ve struggled with. I’d LOVE for you to share here what your 12-steps are and we can all help each other! Or you can just share one of your helpful steps! Here are mine and I’ll include explanations with all.

1. Today I will: Admit that anxious, depressed, OCD thinking DOESN’T work for me.

Explanation: I think one reason we hang on to anxious, negative thoughts is because we believe on some level they help us. We trick ourselves into thinking that these thoughts somehow protect us from hurt, danger, etc. BUT the thing that we call all attest to is: these thoughts don’t protect/help us.. they hurt us. They rob us from experiencing this beautiful life, one moment at a time. They distract us when people we care about are talking to us/trying to connect with us, they make us feel uncomfortable physical symptoms (and stress leads to so many health problems) and they zap our energy. (Energy we could use to do way cooler things, like create, work, play!) We are not here on earth to attack ourselves all day with mean thoughts and scary images! We are here to use our amazing gifts to serve. We are here to connect. These thoughts don’t serve us or the world and our fellow men and women, they disconnect us. They don’t prevent plane crashes, they just make us experience them in our minds which totally sucks! It’s time to think about unicorns hopping on rainbows and let the pilots do their jobs. You might argue, “Well, my anxious thoughts about losing may job help me keep it!” If you are worried about losing your job, take action instead of worrying. Take steps to do an awesome job at work! Which is more likely to help you keep your job: worry or taking action to do a GREAT job at work? Because of how our brain has evolved, we want to constantly alert ourselves to danger. This used to be helpful because maybe a lion WAS about to attack us back in the stone age. Lions don’t jump out at use anymore, though! When you’re brain is like, “OMG! DANGER! LION!” you can say, “Hi cave-man brain. I am not a cave-man anymore. No need to send me the fear message! I’m safe” or, “This isn’t helping me.” or “I’m not wasting energy on worry and fear.” Fear slows down your “recovery ship.” It’s like rocks on board that you need to throw off so you can sail into the sunset. Evolve the cave-man brain to be a warrior brain!

2. Today I will: Not believe anxious, depressed, OCD thoughts.

Explanation: I know what you are thinking: “Rachel! I can’t control my thoughts! No one can!” I totally agree and that is why I said not to believe them. (or attach to them- not to ruminate on them, indulge them) It’s so frustrating when people tell you, “Just don’t think negatively! Just think positive thoughts!” A huge turning point for me was when I stopped trying to “get rid of negative thoughts.” Self-help gurus would say “Picture yourself walking by a peaceful river.” My mind would picture the river but then it would picture me falling into it. (and I’m not the best swimmer!) There would be alligators with big sharp teeth! (Oh, the gifts and curses of a super active imagination!) Thinking I couldn’t think negative thoughts made me fear my own thoughts because when I tried to “get rid of them” they just came back at me louder and scarier. My thoughts were like, “Oh you don’t want us?! Well, how about NOWWW!” When I realized that I am not my scary thoughts and that I could witness them from a place that is not affected by thoughts, (which I like to think of as my huge, immune-to-scary-thoughts spirit) I finally found peace. Our thoughts might be wacky, weird, and hurtful, but we don’t have to believe them or attach to them. We are’t our thoughts. I’ve read that our thoughts are like a reflex, just going off all the time like how our eyes just blink on their own! Also, we ALL think and picture weird things. Even a psychologist I know without a mental illness was like, “Oh ya. I think weird things! I picture REALLY weird things!” LOL

Say we have the thought, “I’m an idiot!” We can distract ourselves right away with reasons why we are not an idiot, reasons why we are smart- instead of showing or selves mind-videos of all the times we acted like an idiot! LOL Negative mind videos are so not fun to watch! (I want my money back! LOL This movie of me walking into a telephone poll in front of a hot guy stinks!) This being said, I could not practice this step without the help of my medication. BUT my medication is NOT the answer to everything. I think of my medication as a “flashlight.” Before it I was completely in the dark, hopeless. Everything looked and sounded like pain. It was like the depression fairy came and painted everything with black-hole-paint while I was asleep. (Oh man- sorry- that is a really scary fairytale. Note to self: Don’t publish this for children) I saw only darkness. My medication is the “flashlight” that gave me the ability to feel hope- to see the path ahead clearly. BUT I still need to walk forward. The flashlight doesn’t have legs, I do! I’m the HERO of this super weird fairytale! HAHAHAH I used to believe and hang on to about 80% of my inner dialog. Now I believe about 10% and I’m so much happier. Our minds are so often wrong. Think of a time where your mind told you something that was TOTALLY not true such as, “You’re friend is super mad at you!” and your friend was like, “OMG! I love you so much… I’m not mad at all, I just had a bad day because I didn’t get that scholarship. Sorry I didn’t text you back right away!” Why do you trust your mind implicitly when it’s wrong so much? OCD is a whole other level. My mind likes to tell me really random things like, “Black socks are bad luck! you can’t wear them” and, “You’re curling iron is on and going to burn the house down! Better turn around and check!” I used to do what it said, but then after reading books like “Brain Lock” (highly recommended) I realized that the more I just wore the dang black socks the less my mind would bother me about them. Another system I love that helps you make space between you and your stressful thoughts is Bryon Katie’s THE WORK. It changed my life- super helpful.

3. Today I will: Be kind to myself and kind to others.

Please treat yourself like you would a dear friend. When you hear your thoughts yell mean things at you, say, “Would I EVER say this to my dear friend, Jenny?” (or whoever your friend is) Treat yourself with the same compassion you would an ill friend. How kind is it to show yourself pictures of things that could go wrong in the future or mistakes you’ve made in the past? Not kind at all! In fact, it’s cruel! When I start thinking of something that hurts in the past or something that could go wrong in the future I say (sometimes out loud) “I am not a person who thinks (or believes, indulges) these thoughts anymore because I am being kind to myself now.” I think there’s something powerful about saying, “Hey- I’m not a person who does this anymore!” Who says you can’t recreate yourself as a person who doesn’t hurt themselves? If you think unkind thoughts to yourself, distract yourself with an activity, phone call/conversation, or think of a really silly time with someone who made you laugh until you peed a little.. or cried a little.. some liquid came out of you, ok?! 🙂 I know it’s SUPER hard to not indulge the thought and keep going down that rabbit whole but it’s time to stop. I have a theory (and I’m not qualified to have theories, but, hey, I do) that we are addicted to the chemicals these thoughts produce so we want to go down these pathways in our brain. Our brain is like, “Ooooh, just one more negative thought ice cream sundae! I’m so hungry!” We need to get our brain used to healthy carrot-thoughts. Our brain will be like, “No! Gross!” at first but once it gets used to those healthy kale-thoughts, it starts being like, “Oh ya, give me that green smoothie, baby!” (I make the weirdest analogies- I know! LOL)  It takes so much strength to choose a different pathway but the more we do it, the more our brain learns and goes to the new pathways (this actually has evidence behind it: the book, “Brainlock’ and the book, “The Brain That Changes Itself”) You can also say things like, “I’m not going down this neural pathway in my brain right now, because I’m creating more positive pathways.” That sounded really dorky, but lol it works for nerds like me! Also see, Jill Bolte Taylor’s brilliant ted talk. Her book, “My Stroke Of Insight” talks about things like this. You can also just STOP the thought in its tracks by saying “REWIRE” (I think that is from “Brain Lock”) or just plain old “STOP.” Being kind to others can be hard (especially if they are being nasty) but we never know what someone might be going through, and it’s not our place to judge. Love and kindness always win- towards yourself AND towards others. It feels yucky in us when we are mean or judging someone else. Those are like candy-thoughts. They are tempting and taste good at first but then we feel bad.

4. Today I will: Completely forgive myself and others for all wrong-doing.

So you messed up big time. Guess what? So did I. We all have. We aren’t mean, scary monsters who deserve to be punished! We are just freakin’ human! We all make ridiculous mistakes. Think back on mistakes you continue to “punish” yourself for. Forgive yourself. Completely forgive. When you forgive yourself, you have renewed energy towards doing awesome things (and making LESS mistakes) in the future. Guilt is toxic. It’s MORE rocks on that recovery ship. Throw it off with the “fear rocks.” Apologize if you feel you need to do that. When you made those mistakes, you were either hurting, confused, not educated, or looking for love and approval in all the wrong places. What difficult things were you dealing with that were distracting you from making good choices? Maybe you were abused and then you committed a crime. It’s time to forgive. Maybe you betrayed a friend and broke their trust. It’s time to forgive. It’s also time to change your behavior and not repeat those mistakes. Forgiving yourself will give you the energy to move forward as a better person. As Maya Angelo so wisely said about past mistakes, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” I used to carry so much guilt for yelling meanly at our exchange student when I was nine for “stealing my homework” which she had not even done. I repeated it in my head and was like, “I’m a horrible person.” In a meditation I looked back on the little girl who yelled at this person. That girl was only 9 and she was hurting. My parents had gotten divorced, I was worried about my mom, and I was confused. I wasn’t evil, I was 9! LOL I’ve done tons of other sucky things but i’ve also done tons of AWESOME things. Why don’t we play the awesome things in our minds more?!

5. Totally I will: Let go and let God. (or a higher power)

God is so much more more powerful than mental illness (of course!) If you don’t believe in God you could say “a higher power” or you could think of the spark of the universe within you that is more powerful than anything! Why are you trying to hold the whole world on your shoulders? You can’t control everything. You can’t control the future. It’s time to let go and let God. It’s time to trust the power that makes the flowers grow and stars shine. When is the last time you made a flower grow?! NOT a chia pet! 😉 Be in the present with God. Let God handle the future. God is way better at it;) You are picturing catastrophes! God is picturing you doing amazing things in the world! 🙂 God is cradling you and you are safe. God wins! I love this Wayne Dyer quote about God: “Good morning, This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help, so have a miraculous day.”

BUT I think it’s cruel for people to say that you have a mental illness because your faith isn’t big enough, or you didn’t pray hard enough. God does not want us to judge each other like that! It’s not our place. I believe God makes medications and treatments possible. You pray for help, God sends medicine and you’re like, “Hey God! I’m waiting…” and God’s like, “Um, I sent you medicine!” LOL! Also, the devil or demons do not have control of you- your brain chemistry is the problem and you can get treatment for that. God know sometimes we have difficult thoughts that we can’t control, that we don’t want to think. God knows our hearts and sees our actions. God forgives us for all mistakes. You are so precious and perfect to God. You are God’s MASTERPIECE, just the way you are, mental illness included.

6. Today I will: Have great hygiene, self-care, and a tidy environment.

Getting up in the morning as early as you can (after a good night sleep!) and getting dressed and ready for the day right away helps you feel positive and like you can get what you need to accomplished! Even though you may feel like you don’t have the energy to tidy up your living space having an organized space will help you feel more organized in your mind. Also, remember “Your body hears everything your mind says.” Physical health includes being kind in your mind! Stress affects your mind AND stresses out your physical system. Also, who cares that you don’t look like a photo-shopped model (no one does!) You are beautiful in your own ways and the more you live that on the inside the more it shines on the outside! Exercise, eat foods that nourish you, and limit internet and TV (especially weird magazines that portray women in negative ways, the news, etc) If you have some Ben & Jerrys (I love ice cream) don’t worry! You deserve it! Redefine beauty as what it means to you– to me it is strength, kindness, helping others, and joy. It’s NOT a size, shape, or certain look! EW! The medias definition is limiting, hurtful and includes about 2% of people! LAME! Time to say NO to that definition and take your power back!

7. Today I will: do three things to stay connected to friends, family and my community.

Connecting with others brings us lasting joy. We may feel like, “I just want to stay in and binge watch Orange is The New Black with my cat.” Well, that is ok to do for some nights but not all days and all nights. Your mind may tell you, “Stay in with Boo-Boo-Bear, the kitty,” but as we know, our mind doesn’t always have our best interest in mind (wow- that was so meta!) Push yourself to go out and socialize and you will feel better after.

I’ve found so much solace, unity and inspiration connecting with you guys here… And this community and how we lift each other up and share tools is phenomenal. Telling our stories without shame is changing the stigma and creating an amazing movement. BUT we also need to remember to be connected to friends and community outside of social media. I read recently that even though we are the most “connected” that we’ve ever been in history because of the internet, we are also the least happy and the loneliest we’ve ever been. Think of how you can strengthen the relationships that you have outside of social media. Get involved in volunteer organizations, support groups, activity groups.

8. Today I will: Name three things I am grateful for.

Thinking about things we thankful for can really lift our mood. When you have a mental illness, sometimes your mind wants to show you movies in your head of everything bad that has happened or may happen. We have to consciously decide to show ourselves images of wonderful blessings and gifts in our lives. Maybe other people’s brains play half positive and half negative channels and ours sometimes gets stuck on just the negative channel. We need to grab the remote more and focus on the good. CLICK!

9. Today I will: Fully love and accept myself as I am.

You have a mental illness, but that’s ok! I always say, “I have a fabulous life… and a mental illness!” We see people with mental illness portrayed in the media like they are totally incapacitated, crazy, violent (people with mental illness are NO more violent than people without mental illnesses and they are more likely to be VICTIMS of crimes) and can’t function normally. We never see or talk about all the brilliant, fabulous people who made/make epic contributions to society or are wonderful, kind, happy members of their community. (hmm let’s see, Mozart, Beethoven, van Gough, Emily Dickinson, Lincoln, we can go ON and ON) Fully accept yourself for who you are. You have an illness, but you are NOT your illness. You are SO much more. Also, it’s time to let go of all of the shame, guilt, and mistakes you’ve made and just freaking love yourself. Shame is like a storm and you are sailing into the sunset on that recovery ship! REMEMBER?! I would have NEVER, EVER said this years ago but today I wouldn’t change that I have a mental illness. It has propelled me further than I could ever imagine. For me, this beautiful Camus quote is true:
In the depth of winter
I finally found that there lie within me
An invincible summer.

10. Today I will: Take three steps towards a life goal.

I know the idea of accomplishing something huge like finishing that college degree can seem super overwhelming. I dropped out of college and finished later online. I decided a while back I wanted to get a masters in music ed. I started looking at the application requirements and it seemed like just too daunting a process. BUT when I broke the application into tiny steps that I did one at a time, those steps kept adding up and adding up until all the requirements were done. Don’t look at your dream as “a blank canvas that you have to finish a work of art on right now!!!” Look at your dream as “a blank canvas that you paint on, one stroke at a time.” Maybe today you will paint the grass… or the sun… 🙂 I used to say, “No way!” and give up if something was way too many detailed steps. I panicking when I thought about how big the task was and all it entailed. Mark Twain said,“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.” Take something you’d really like to accomplish and do three small steps per day towards that goal! When you get things done, even if they are small tasks, you feel proud and good about yourself! In undergrad due to the untreated mental illness one semester I got all Fs. Last semester at a competitive grad school I got a 4.0. You can change your story.

Ask yourself: What is my purpose? What is my mission? Who do I want to help? I’m really looking forward to volunteering in the fall with awesome kids every Saturday— I know that helping others brings me more joy than any success, award or adulation could ever bring me. Compliments and “likes” bring us a quick high that doesn’t sustain us. Meaningful work towards a goal and helping others brings us a sustaining joy. As Victor Frankel wrote, we need purpose and meaning in our lives. It’s critical. What organization can you volunteer with? What friend can you send a surprise “thank-you for being a great friend” email? Our acts of kindness don’t need to be huge feats, and small gestures of love and kindness can have huge ripple effects. As Rumi said,
“You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.”

11. Today I will: Not compare myself to others.

The mind loves to play the comparison game, like “Oh look at Katy Joyington and her perfect family on facebook. She has everything. Her baby is so happy” Well, guess what? Katy has struggles too, she just doesn’t show them on facebook. Her baby was up at 2am screaming. I heard the phrase recently at a conference, “Compare and despair.” When we compare we feel bad because if we have less we feel inadequate and if we have more we feel a little bad, too! No more comparing- time to just live your own fabulous life! Get OUT of other people’s lives and INTO your own! What are you doing in their story while your story sits there waiting for the next awesome chapter?

12. Today I will: Not try to be perfect with the 12 steps, just do my absolute best!

No being mean to yourself if you aren’t able to do the 12 steps one day. If you can do one step, you get a SUPER DUPER BIG HUG AND CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! If you do half a step, SAME! If you try one step and it doesn’t work: SAME AND AWESOME JOB TRYING! 🙂

Here are the 12 steps together without the explanations:

1. Today I will: Admit that anxious, depressed, OCD thinking DOESN’T work for me.
2. Today I will: Not believe anxious, depressed, OCD thoughts.
3. Today I will: Be kind to myself and kind to others.
4. Today I will: Completely forgive myself and others for all wrong-doing.
5. Totally I will: Let go and let God. (or a higher power)
6. Today I will: Have great hygiene, self-care, and a tidy environment
7. Today I will: Stay connected.
8. Today I will: Name three things I am grateful for.
9. Today I will: Fully love and accept myself as I am.
10. Today I will: Take three steps towards a life goal.
11.Today I will: Not compare myself to others. 
12.Today I will: Not try to be perfect with the 12 steps, just do my absolute best! 

Who is interested in doing the 12-step program together? Let’s all introduce ourselves! 

What are you 12 steps or a few steps you can share with us? I’d LOVE, LOVE, TRIPLE LOVE TO HEAR!

Love you big time! Rachie